OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
