So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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