I look better un-naked...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mom said you looked used
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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