his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
