from now on my penis is your penis
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
