Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
