I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
