You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
