Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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