guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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