it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
