I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
