Apparently you make a good broom.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
