booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
