one might say we're banned from that church
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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