Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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