party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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