We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
