when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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