I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
