Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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