I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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