Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
