Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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