she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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