Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
