i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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