I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
