I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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