too bad you live with your parents still
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
