I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
