Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
