ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
