Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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