I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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