If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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