You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
