Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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