You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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