you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
