I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
