smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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