Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Houston, we have a squirter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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