i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
