dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
