by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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