I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
