Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
