They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
