why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
